Wednesday, August 5, 2009

"you're in my blood like holy wine"

I was driving home from the gym tonight. It was dark out because it was about 9pm. I wasn't thinking about anything other than the song on the radio, one of which I never heard and trying to avoid any deer that might cross my path on the winding road. I stop at a red light and then something catches my eye. I look up from my dashboard and notice that the light post that was on had just flickered off. Now, usually if something like this happened, I wouldn't think twice about it, I would probably not have even noticed it. But this isn't a first time occurrence, nor a second, nor third. This seems to happen a lot, maybe once a week. Where I'll be driving, walking, or just passing one for some reason. 

I wouldn't notice something like this if it wasn't one of the first thing's that my ex spoke with me about. He told me that wherever he went, a light would go out. I never noticed it myself until we broke up for good. Now it seems like a little reminder of him, wherever I go. At first, I thought it was a sign that we were suppose to be together. I don't believe that anymore. I don't believe we're suppose to be together. I'm a much different person now than when I was with him. 

Now, I see it as something that's apart of me. How, at one point, we became apart of each other. Energies transfered like the pacing of breaths we took at night, how deeply rhythmic they were, how in sync. When we made love, we were connected. Something of him, some kind of engery was left within me. Like having my mother's eyes or my father's laugh- a part of my ex became a part of me. He didn't leave his intuition or his weird sense of humor but a little piece of aura, a little flash of light- literally. 

What if everyone we love takes a part of us and we a part of them. What if what we are, are just little pieces of everyone. Doesn't that make us all connected? I mean, when we're born, we are originally created from two different beings, who were created from two other beings. What if the creation doesn't stop after birth but continues through life, until death. But even then, death. Human death continues to live through the earth. If buried- without a casket- our bodies would disintegrate into the earth, giving fuel to the plants and contributing to the nitrogen cycle. 

Maybe this is why so many people believe in a God that created them. Because you apart of the maker, the creator, why wouldn't you be close to them. 

Maybe it's not just love but sex. But not just any sex, but sex when you love some one. Making love. What if making love is actually the sharing of energies and the transfer of energies, the taking to energies, the completion of another. Maybe this is why when I pass a light and it goes out, it's because there is a part of him in me. 

Maybe we will always be connected. And every time a light flickers I won't think of all the time we didn't work out and why we aren't together, but I'll just think of how there's always a little piece of him inside of me, like there a little piece of me in him. And I will continue through life creating more of myself through other people and making my own person individual through the experience i meet and the energies I possess, original to me.

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