Wednesday, August 5, 2009

"you're in my blood like holy wine"

I was driving home from the gym tonight. It was dark out because it was about 9pm. I wasn't thinking about anything other than the song on the radio, one of which I never heard and trying to avoid any deer that might cross my path on the winding road. I stop at a red light and then something catches my eye. I look up from my dashboard and notice that the light post that was on had just flickered off. Now, usually if something like this happened, I wouldn't think twice about it, I would probably not have even noticed it. But this isn't a first time occurrence, nor a second, nor third. This seems to happen a lot, maybe once a week. Where I'll be driving, walking, or just passing one for some reason. 

I wouldn't notice something like this if it wasn't one of the first thing's that my ex spoke with me about. He told me that wherever he went, a light would go out. I never noticed it myself until we broke up for good. Now it seems like a little reminder of him, wherever I go. At first, I thought it was a sign that we were suppose to be together. I don't believe that anymore. I don't believe we're suppose to be together. I'm a much different person now than when I was with him. 

Now, I see it as something that's apart of me. How, at one point, we became apart of each other. Energies transfered like the pacing of breaths we took at night, how deeply rhythmic they were, how in sync. When we made love, we were connected. Something of him, some kind of engery was left within me. Like having my mother's eyes or my father's laugh- a part of my ex became a part of me. He didn't leave his intuition or his weird sense of humor but a little piece of aura, a little flash of light- literally. 

What if everyone we love takes a part of us and we a part of them. What if what we are, are just little pieces of everyone. Doesn't that make us all connected? I mean, when we're born, we are originally created from two different beings, who were created from two other beings. What if the creation doesn't stop after birth but continues through life, until death. But even then, death. Human death continues to live through the earth. If buried- without a casket- our bodies would disintegrate into the earth, giving fuel to the plants and contributing to the nitrogen cycle. 

Maybe this is why so many people believe in a God that created them. Because you apart of the maker, the creator, why wouldn't you be close to them. 

Maybe it's not just love but sex. But not just any sex, but sex when you love some one. Making love. What if making love is actually the sharing of energies and the transfer of energies, the taking to energies, the completion of another. Maybe this is why when I pass a light and it goes out, it's because there is a part of him in me. 

Maybe we will always be connected. And every time a light flickers I won't think of all the time we didn't work out and why we aren't together, but I'll just think of how there's always a little piece of him inside of me, like there a little piece of me in him. And I will continue through life creating more of myself through other people and making my own person individual through the experience i meet and the energies I possess, original to me.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


this is the reason why i don't believe in settling or that marriage will solve problems. the problems will always be there if you don't fix them. i believe that you should be with the person that makes you the happiest all the time. i believe in true love. 

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Definition Generation

I love my grandma, I really do. But I cannot sit here and let her talk about races as a general group of people. It's never a person, it's the Chinese, those blacks, them, those, the. I got so mad at dinner because she was talking about how something was falling apart because it was made by the Chinese. Has she looked at all her clothes? Her furniture? The toys, books, shoes she bought us? Read the tag; Made in China. 

People should never be categorized into a general group of people. We are all flawed, we all make mistakes, we are all human with hearts, cares, worries, fears, and love. Just because the color of my skin is much lighter than yours doesn't mean that I act like my sister who has the same tint.

Even when Obama was elected president, our generation made sure that people knew what color we voted for. I watched as people made shirts that stated: My president is black. I voted for Obama because of his beliefs, what he wanted to change (and i mean that in the concrete term not the term that is thrown around), and how he spoke. Maybe I was swayed by how passionate he sounded in his speeches, maybe I voted due to the fact that I believe that America needs someone passionate, but I never voted, or thought, about the color of his skin.

I'm tired of fighting about superficial things. I'm tired of hearing about it. I don't care if there is a central Jersey, if you live in the center of some place, then that's where you live. I don't care if you think Delaware isn't a real state. The DuPonts, who are from DE, invented Nylon. You wear it. It's there. Not everything has to be commented on, generalize, or judged. We are what we are. Take me for what I am. 

We are defined by the actions we make, we ideas we have, the love we share. Not by where we live, what we wear, and no longer by the color of our skin.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


my family keeps talking

but quite frankly, i don't give a damn

Friday, April 10, 2009

at the gym

When I run on a treadmill, I try to pace myself with the person to my right. When we run together I feel like we're flying. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Where's the line?

So, everyone has heard of Rihanna's encounter with boyfriend Chris Brown earlier this year. If you haven't, it goes a little something like this; he beat the living shit out of her. ABC news claims that the Rihanna's friends stated the altercation came out of an act of jealousy played on Rihanna's part. Jealousy arouse and the two argued. The conversation heated up and got physical-

The world was shocked, but we moved on. Personally, I don't pay much attention to entertainment news. ALthough, I can find it entertaining, there is nothing educational to my life worth reading.  I am bringing this up because this morning I was listening to Q102. While it is a rare occurrence that I am listening to the radio, may it be even more unusual that I am listening to Q102. However, host Ryan Seacrest brought up the altercation with the, even more unnerving, news that Rihanna and Chris Brown will be recording a duet together. I wish I could find a transcript of the show because I would love to know who he was interviewing. Seacrest, like most of Rihanna's fans, was extremely disappointed in Rihanna for tolerating Brown's behavior. The interviewee stated that Brown has been "talking to his pastor and is extremely sorry for what he did." She asked Seacrest why we (meaning the public) shouldn't forgive him if he is really really sorry and is doing everything he can to change. She stated that Rihanna is sticking by her man and "supporting" him because she feels like it's her fault that his career is at stake.

It's a shame that pop culture tends to define American culture. My friend from Australia told me how Aussies see Americans as "the norm". However, the norm consists of what is put on TV. American's believe that the things we watch on TV are only exaggerated lifestyles that most of American's do NOT live. But is this true? Is television exaggerating, or bringing attention to a fact none of us want to face. The altercation between Rihanna and Brown is not uncommon. Every other day, you can flip to Maury or Dr. Phil talking about physical abuse between human beings. I have known several people who have been in physical and emotional abusive relationships, and did not leave the relationship. I, myself, have been in an emotionally abusive relationship and did not leave. Has it become a socially acceptable for people to physically or emotionally hurt other people? To whomever Seacrest was interviewing, it seems as though its okay if the person is really really sorry. Where's the line? Is there a line? Is it ever okay to physically hurt someone? 

Americans, as a culture, want to believe in people. We want to believe that people can and do change. That's why there's jail aka Correctional Facilities. This is, unless, a person who is close to you was hurt. Usually there is no forgiveness in that. This is where the hypocrisy comes in. It starts off with a "no he didn't" to a "well, she started it, but he still shouldn't have hurt her" to finally "Look, he's seeing a pastor and he's really sorry. Like really REALLY sorry..." 

I believe in forgiveness. I believe that Brown knows what he did wrong and really is sorry. I do not, however, think that it's okay for Rihanna to stay with him. If anyone is in the wrong, it is her. If anyone's publicists should be working overtime, it should be hers. Brown's reputation may be ruined and he will possibly always be known as the guy who beat up his girlfriend but with Rihanna sticking around, what does that say about her? Rihanna thinks its okay to take a little beating every now and then. Does she have no respect for herself? Does she believe this is the way she should be treated? What does this say to our kids? To those that look up to her? What will Rihanna say to a teenager who is in a relationship when their partner is physically hurting them? "It's okay if they're sorry." 

What exactly are you supporting Rihanna? Where's the line- when you no longer have a voice?

Speak up now, teach our generation that you deserve better, that we deserve better. He may be a good man, but this is not okay. I will NOT  respect anyone who does not respect themselves. 

Where is the line?

Monday, March 16, 2009

post secret

Why do we feel so lonely?